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Nick Clegg to address imaginary delegates at this year’s Lib Dem conference

The Liberal Democrats have announced today that Nick Clegg will emulate his action movie hero at their conference this year. ‘Apparently Clint Eastwood had an argument with an empty chair regarding its...

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Lib Dems lose pub quiz after failing to answer a single answer correctly

The Liberal Democrats have suffered a major defeat in the annual Westminster New Year’s pub quiz. Following 12 rounds, each containing 10 questions, the pub quiz captain, Nick ‘universally challenged’...

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Cameron preparing air strike on Eastleigh

The Conservative party will mount an air strike and troop invasion of Eastleigh should the town be recaptured on Thursday by the Lib Dems. Foreign Secretary William Hague said that the party was also...

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God vows to stay awake during by election ‘to stop Lib Dems winning’

The Almighty has admitted ‘snoozing’ during periods of the recently ended papacy ‘because he was bored with the arguments about cover ups over child abuse and the constant banging on about gay...

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Chris Huhne starts work on series of escape tunnels

Chris Huhne is to launch an audacious escape bid from Wandsworth prison after finding living conditions inside less than satisfactory. The disgraced MP had originally expected a 5-star hotel, but a...

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Top Lib Dem quits in protest over making party colour ‘slightly less orange’

Former Lib Dem Minister Sarah Teather has resigned from the party, citing ‘disappointment’ at the party’s decision to make its official colour less intensely orange and ‘a tiny bit yellower.’ ‘The...

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Cornwall ‘real’, apparently

Much to the surprise of cartographers, scientists and pasty lovers, the EU has confirmed that the ‘bit that stops Devon getting too wet’ is not just a fairy story told to children to warn about the...

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Liberal Democrats ‘will be more like Apprentice contestants’, promises Clegg

Nick Clegg, the embattled Liberal Democrat leader, has promised that his party will be ‘more like Apprentice contestants’ as the Coalition government enters a ‘more businesslike’ phase. ‘The bottom...

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Lib Dems demand better Care in the Community

The Liberal Democrats have highlighted what they see as woefully inadequate provision of care in the community for soon-to-be Lib Dem ex-ministers and have demanded urgent action. Until recently...

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Clegg ‘in tears’ after Cameron reveals truth about Santa

Nick Clegg is reported to have fled the Cabinet Briefing Room in tears today following an ‘emotional’ and ‘frank’ discussion with David Cameron about Father Christmas. ‘I told Dave to stop,’ said Vince...

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The economy is stupid, agree political leaders

Leaders from seven political parties last night agreed that the UK economy was stupid, but that it wasn’t its fault. All agreed that it hadn’t received adequate training, proper consideration of the...

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Cornwall ‘real’, apparently

Much to the surprise of cartographers, scientists and pasty lovers, the EU has confirmed that the ‘bit that stops Devon getting too wet’ is not just a fairy story told to children to warn about the...

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Lib Dems to rebrand as The Second Sons

Drawing upon the immense popularity of The Game of Thrones and recognising his party’s real role on the political landscape, Nick Clegg has announced that the Liberal Democrats will be renamed after...

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LibDems to rebrand as ‘Undecided’

Tim Farron has announced his intent to stand for leader of the LibDems, based on a commitment to a complete rebranding as the ‘Undecided’ party. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the ethos and history...

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Nick Clegg resolves not to make any New Year resolutions

After a challenging year in which he has been accused of breaking every single promise that he has made, Nick Clegg has pledged that he will definitely not be making any New Year resolutions – or, if...

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Monkey shortage ‘critical’ as manifestos rushed out

‘We’d always assumed that we’d have enough time to write a coherent manifesto,’ said a spokesman for the Labour Party today. ‘But this short notice election has put the cat amongst the pigeons.  Not...

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Tim Farron’s photo to appear on milk cartons

Since an appeal went out earlier this month, the Liberal Democrats have received ‘dozens’ of possible sightings of their leader. He has been missing from public view for months, though the precise date...

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Lib Dems complain that no-one noticed their manifesto was leaked days ago

Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron has complained that his party’s manifesto has received no media coverage despite it being leaked on Monday. The news comes after the leaking of Labour’s manifesto...

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Jesus quits as Messiah over questions about his belief in Lib Dems

Lord of the universe and carpentry wizard Jesus has resigned as leader of the Christian faith, following a furore over his belief in the Liberal Democrats.  The Lamb of God admitted that questions...

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Lib Dems in favour of proportional not voting

By forgetting to vote against hard Brexit amendments, Vince Cable has signalled his party’s intention to stay in the EU – provided it does not require any particular effort.  Mr. Cable said he would do...

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